The Gentle Table

A note from Iwona

Hello again

And a warm welcome if you've joined since last month.

November is when the evenings draw in and the invitations start to arrive: fireworks, school fairs, the first Christmas parties. For a child who finds food hard, that can mean more noise, more new food and more people watching their plate. For you, it can mean more planning and more worry.

This issue is about getting ready gently, so the next few weeks feel a little calmer for everyone. As always, nothing in here is something your child has to eat.

Small, calm steps, at your child's pace.

This month's question

Does my child need vitamin D?

From October to early March, the sun in the UK isn't strong enough for our bodies to make vitamin D. That means it has to come from food or a supplement. Vitamin D helps keep bones, teeth and muscles healthy.

Explore, don't eat

Pine cone bird feeders

Start with a walk to collect pine cones, then make a treat for the birds. It's messy food play with nothing they have to eat. Peanut butter is sticky, smelly and a food many sensory eaters avoid, so touching it for the birds, not for themselves, is a lovely gentle step.

There's no pressure here, because nobody expects anyone to eat it. That freedom is often what lets a cautious child put their hands in.

How to make them

1. Collect. Gather a few open, dry pine cones on your walk. Tie a long piece of string around the top of each one.
2. Spread. Spread smooth peanut butter into the gaps (unsalted is best for the birds). Fingers, a spoon or a blunt knife: whatever your child is comfortable with.
3. Roll. Roll the cone in a tray of birdseed until it's covered.
4. Chill and hang. Pop them in the fridge for an hour, then hang them where you can watch from the window.

Cooking together

Bonfire Night jacket potato bar

A familiar base, with every topping in its own small pot so nothing touches. Your child decides what goes on their plate, and a plain potato with butter counts.

A small change: a sweet potato on the table is a gentle bridge from a safe food. It's the same shape and the same way of eating, just a new colour.

Getting ready

Bonfire Night & party season, without the overwhelm

Fireworks and parties bring noise, crowds, dark evenings and unfamiliar food, all at once. A little planning ahead takes a lot of the pressure off.

Bonfire Night

• Have a familiar meal before you go, and pack a safe snack
• Bring ear defenders and agree a "we can leave any time" plan
• Watching from a window at home counts too

Christmas parties

• Let your child eat before the party, so they're not arriving hungry
• Bring a safe food, and a quick word with the host helps: "She'll bring her own snack, no need to worry."
• Party food doesn't need to be eaten. Being at the party is the goal.

Dark evenings

Cosy food play at home

When it's dark by teatime, these are gentle ways to spend time near food indoors. No one has to eat anything.

Kitchen floor picnic. A blanket on the floor with safe foods, plus one new food that just sits nearby. Eating somewhere different often feels lower pressure.

Torchlight food explore. Turn off the lights and shine a torch on a satsuma, an apple or a pepper. What colour is it now? Does it look bigger, or shinier?

Hot chocolate bar. Your child chooses the cup, the sprinkles and the marshmallows. Keep it warm, not hot.

Shop role play. Line up real packets and tins from the cupboard, then take turns being the shopkeeper. Reading labels and handling packaging is a gentle first step.

Bake something simple. Apple muffins or plain biscuits. Weighing, stirring and smelling all count, and nobody has to taste.

For you

For you this month: you don't have to say yes to everything

Party season can feel like a lot, especially when food is hard at home. This month, I'd love you to give yourself permission to do less.

It's okay to

• leave early, or arrive late
• skip an event that you know will be too much
• say "we'll come for the first hour"
• bring your child's safe food without explaining why

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